"Don't Strangle My Dog..."

These are the words Kim told me yesterday morning. Now many of you are wondering... why would someone have to tell me that. I can assure you, I would never strangle her dog (or anyone else's)... intentionally. You see that is the key word... intentionally. The other key word... is "again".
Yes, I tried to strangle Kim's dog once before.

Ursa Minor, Ursa for short, is a handful. She is cute like most dogs are, but she also has this irritating way of getting on my nerves. Sometimes I think about strangling her. I'm sure some of you have had similar thoughts of strangling another person's pet? Come on now, lets be honest. What I suppose makes this story different, is how close I actually came to following through... and the most horrific part, was that I couldn't stop laughing about it.

It all started out with a harmless barbeque outside.. food, beer, friends... all good. Ursa wears a body harness and a collar, and when Kim walks her she attaches her leash to the body harness (this is important to understand... so that you don't get offended). To keep Ursa from enjoying the barbeque too much (translates to: eats everyone's food when they are not looking), she tied her leash... to the garage door handle.

Now... stop for just a moment and think about how garage doors work... and then image a dogs leash attached to the handle. Guess who pushed the garage door opener... accidentally.

Now, in all fairness... I didn't know the dog was tied to the garage door.  I truly wouldn't have given the critter an amusement park ride... or stunned the BBQ guests in such a manner...

Truthfully, the dog's reaction was not fear or freaking out... it was one of confusion. She couldn't understand why she was being lifted into the air with no humans nearby to be the cause.The door started going up, and the dog was gently lifted into the air... like one of those pet rescue scenarios... fully secured by harness, all legs facing down... stunned look on pups face. No fear.

Kim on the other hand... that was a different story, come to think if it.. .same with the guests.

You know that moment when delayed reaction occurs... when your mind is trying to make sense of the information your eyes are giving it... the moment between understanding and action.? This is the time that you usually say... What the Fuck?

So in this moment of human WTF, someone hollers... THE DOG...  because you see... I still don't know the dog is tied to the door. So I look... and see the most amusing, horrific, unreal image.. people running to support the dogs weight, the dog with the WTF look... I hit stop on the garage door.

Dog is down... and she was fine... she actually scored a bratwurst from the grill... (mostly from guilt)
Kim was fine... too... although she tied the dog to the garage handle today...
She is too trusting.

I still can't help but laugh at the absuirdity of it all. The guests at the party... never returned.

Ursa Minor... WTF (tied to the garage handle... again)

The Names Will Be Changed to Protect the Innnocent

What a crazy week!

My anticipated weekend getaway in Seattle turned into a week-long marathon of driving, meeting family, and funeral-related activities. I lost my grandmother last Saturday. It was the passing of an Era. Her life touched many, as apparent to the number of folks that came by to pay their respects.

We were sitting around enjoying crepes in Seattle when we got the call. Quick checking of airline tickets and associated travel arrangements from Seattle to Salt Lake City for two on such short notice left the bill close to a staggering 2K. Plan B: a tag-team drive to SLC with my daughter Nikole departing on Monday after her school. Nikole is going to school to be a mortician (I can't make this shit up).

We started the 14 hour drive late in the day and drove non-stop through the night with only two pee breaks. This meant we actually made it in 13:45! All this for less than 2 days in Salt Lake City.

The math comes out this way: 1700 miles. 80 hours total of which 28 hours is spent in the car... with Nikole.

image: salesentrepreneurinstitute.wordpress.com

Enuff said.

Once in Salt Lake City, we spent the majority of the time visiting with family and attending the funeral. Nikole and I got to spend some time with Linzy, my other daughter.

No sooner did we get there before we found ourselves heading back to Seattle. This time, we left mid-day and I found myself distastefully traveling through Idaho.. again.

Let me tell you... Idaho sucks. I took a poll of family members at the funeral... they all agreed. Idaho is the toilet of the universe! At least when we came down from Seattle, it was dark.  Did I mention how much I dislike Idaho.  Name one good thing that comes out of there?  Okay wait... nevermind.

Needless to say, I gritted my teeth passing through.. of all the awful places, bad memories... the people that are best forgotten, and the place on the road where I decapitated that animal with my motorcycle mirror. To tell you the truth, if I wasn't pushed for time, I probably would have driven around Idaho. So here I find myself crossing this place where smart people shouldn't live when I checked the GPS on my Iphone to see exactly where we were... and this is what I got:

 I allowed it to load and load and load and load. I had great connectivity. I'm wondering what the hell. Why won't this work. And then I look out the window and this is what I see:

Idaho = Dislike

 Don't you think it matches? I mean... if you wanted a picture of "Where the hell am I," wouldn't this be it? Welcome to Idaho.

Then Nikole informs me that we have a dinner date... in Twin Falls. ^&*(%@
I reason with my inner voice... Nikole is driving. I can drink.

Hours and hours later... somewhere in Washington... I ask Nikole how much further do we have to go... she responds by holding up two fingers in a pinch motion... "this far - according to the GPS."  Pretty damn helpful.

We roll in to Nikole's apartment in Seattle and we both climb into bed. I was planning on catching a plane via standby back to Alaska, but decided a couple of hours sleep might be needed first. Nikole got up an hour later and headed out for class. Poor kid. I snuggled into bed.

So apparently, in the world of miscommunication via texting and IM, Nikole's boyfriend and one of her girlfriends didn't get the memo that I was still in town.  They had a key to her apartment. They thought I was her... sleeping in the bed when they crept in early in the morning.

They thought they would come over early and drag her ass to breakfast...
Nikole's boyfriend, otherwise known as "don't blog about this unless your going to change my name to 'Diego' or something unrecognizable" - thought I was his girlfriend that he had been missing for days....

I'll let you imagine how that turned out. Once again... I can't make this shit up.

Would You Like Some Cleavage with Your Cappucino

Welcome to Seattle! A quick 3 day trip to sip coffee, shop, and visit the motorcycle shops of the greater Seattle area were my plans. There are many good things about this area, good coffee, good food, my daughter lives here... great culture and art. The coffee is so good here that, perhaps, places with coffee that is not so good... must resort to other tactics?

I have heard about the bikini barista brigade before, but I have never actually experienced brassieres with my breves..

 Image: chugginmccoffee.com

How did this happen you ask? It started out with Michael and I wanting an innocent cup of coffee. We did not want Starbucks, we are in Seattle for gods sake. We left McChord AFB and headed North towards SeaTac. I turned on the Iphone map feature, got our position, and typed in coffee for search.  We got 3 places in the general area we were passing through...Lakewood (Nikole later said... oh.. that's why... you were in Lakewood).

Cowgirls.

Sounds innoncent enough... I'm not reading breasts into my coffee shop title... we find the place... it's a small drive though with a long line.  Next (we wanted to sit down and chat).

Baristas.

Okay... now where I am from... this means girls or boys that know how to make coffee....
 We got Bikini Baristas...  like not much on when you make my coffee..... we passed.

Image: www.cbsnews.com

Place down the street... SWEET CHEEKS!
This one I could decipher the hidden meaning.
"Can I have some more Sweet with my Cheeks" Michael bursts out laughing.  We had coffee at Starbucks.




http://www.cbsnews.com

Hatcher Pass… here I come!

Who put a Federal holiday in the middle of the week? What is that all about? Since I didn’t want to take any time off, and the holiday didn’t payout a 3-day weekend… I decided that I would dress casual this whole week at work! So there!  I also needed a quick get-away. Where do Anchoragites go when they want a quick get-away? Hatcher Pass near Palmer.

The drive to Palmer was nice… on account that every car in the state was in Seward for the Mount Marathon festivities. The sky looked a little ominous… but the possibility of no rain still existed. We took N. Palmer-Fishhook Road out to the park and enjoyed the massive amounts of water coming down the Little Susitna River. I have never seen the river as high as it was! The nice pullout to visit the river offered an opportunity to enjoy the sound of water and feel the spray hit us. Kim tried to negotiate the large boulders with sandals. It was interesting to watch.

Kim enjoying the Little Susitna River near the entrance to Hatcher Pass, Alaska.

The mountains all the way to the top were bright green, covered in small flowers. We enjoyed the drive all the way to Independence Mine. I have stopped here many times and had no interest in visiting the historic area this trip. We did drive through the parking lot… packed with people who had the same idea we did. We sat on the side of the road and scoped out the cliffs with binoculars looking for old mine shaft remnants.  We headed towards the GATE. Those of you familiar with this area know what I am talking about. The gate the state locks 9 months of the year that provides access to the summit and Hatcher Pass road down to Willow. The gate was unlocked!

The snow fall was large this last winter making access to this part of Hatcher Pass even more limited this year. In addition, I wasn’t sure how far we were going to be able to hike in the area before we hit snow. So we did what any adventuresome girls would do… we just went to check it out!

Our hike above April Bowl near Summit Lake and Hatcher Pass, Alaska.

We parked at the lot just East of Summit Lake and climbed about 1000 feet to roughly the 4500 foot peak that rose above April Bowl. This very small valley has a cirque/tarn lake and several small ponds and the views from the bluff viewpoint are outstanding, including the Willow Creek Drainage, the Susitna Valley, and the western arc of the Alaska Range.

One of the 5 or 6 cirque/tarn lakes we hiked passed on the way to the top of April Bowl.

The wind was raging in some places requiring gloves and hats, but the view was drop dead gorgeous.  We sat up there for the better part of an hour in a small wind shelter someone created out of rocks to give us a break and enjoy the breath taking scenery. I took tons of photos. Not a single soul ventured up that high on a busy 4^th of July. We had the mountain all to ourselves. Granted, we did pass someone going down when we were climbing up, but it was ours for an hour.

Kim sits in rock shelter on the bluff taking pictures of the Matsu Valley - April Bow, Alaska.

I choose to slide down the snow patch we crossed on my butt. I felt like a kid in a slide at the park…

We followed up with a great dinner at Turkey Red in Palmer.  Back to work tomorrow.

Educational piece (Wikipedia):

A cirque (from a French word for "arena"), corrie (from Scottish Gaelic coire meaning a pot or cauldron) or cwm (Welsh for "valley") is an amphitheatre-like valley head, formed at the head of a valley glacier by erosion. The concave amphitheatre shape is open on the downhill side corresponding to the flatter area of the stage, while the cupped seating section is generally steep cliff-like slopes down which ice and glaciated debris combine and converge from the three or more higher sides. The floor of the cirque ends up bowl shaped as it is the complex convergence zone of combining ice flows from multiple directions and their accompanying rock burdens, hence experiences somewhat greater erosion forces, and is most often scooped out somewhat below the level of the cirque's low-side outlet (stage) and its down slope (backstage) valley. If the cirque is subject to seasonal melting, the floor of the cirque most often forms a tarn (small lake) behind the moraine and glacial till damming the outlet.

Image of a how a cirque/tarn lake is created. (Image: Wikipedia)

Souvenirs from Tok

So I rolled into the driveway, 1784 miles later from my Klondike Loop motorcycle ride. Exhausted enough that I almost couldn't climb off the bike, let alone unpack it, wash it, and do the maintenance needed for the next trip.  Sigh.  It looked like rain.

When Jaz and I rolled out of Tok last Tuesday, the sky looked angry. Angry enough to take extra precautions. We both suited up with all the warm clothes we brought. Jaz joked about having lots of empty space in the saddlebags for souvenirs from Tok. I looked like a condom meets Michelin Woman! I was wrapped in rain gear over my heavier riding gear. I had my heated jacket and gloves. I was a toasty warm slug.

Images: http://scientopia.org (condom), and http://www.sporkmedia.com

So the trip is over and I have all this maintenance I need to do on the bike. The chip seal on the Canadian roads ate my rear tire tread away. All the shops in Anchorage want way too much to change this tire (~$200) or can't get to it until the summer is over.  I guess I'm going to have to spend a weekend fixing my bike rather than riding it.  But not this weekend, I'm going to Seattle for some R and R from my ride.

Chip seal takes it's toll on factory KLR tires - ~5000 miles

                               Here are the trip details:

Click on map for a larger image

Total mileage was close to 1800 miles, and it is referred to by the locals as the Klondike Loop. 

• We did it in roughly 7 days. 
• The trip was mostly paved road, but there was a section from points H to C (Taylor Highway and the Top of the World)  that contained mostly dirt/challenged road. This portion of the road is weather dependent on how safe/good you can travel. It is roughly 130 miles of dirt/challenged road.
• The worst part of chip seal occurred between points C and D.This part of the road was also very repetitive (granted gorgeous repetition) and it's easy to fall asleep here. Do this section after a good nights rest!
• There are two ferry crossings. One is free and a no brainer. That is the Yukon River near Dawson, at point C. The second ferry crossing requires you to pre-purchase tickets from the Alaska Marine Highway system. This is a one way ticket between Skagway, Alaska and Haines, Alaska. The boat trip is about 45 minutes, but they require you to check in 2 hours prior to departure. We have no idea why, we stood around and waited. You should have your own tie down straps for the boat ride.
• We took one day off in Dawson to drink Black Death at Klondike Kates. WE HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS.
• There are two liquior stores in Dawson... the best one is on 3rd Street.
• Our schedule allowed a leisure pace to photograph and take our time. Even so, some of the roads are hard... the mileage should not be measured with Freeway/Interstate mileage in mind.  It is tiring because the roads are filled with potholes and heaves, dirt and water trenches. You waste a lot of energy looking for road issues.
• Gas was not a problem.. anywhere along the way.
• There are numerous US Border/Canadian crossings. Make sure your papers are in order.
• It is highly recommended that you carry both US and Canadian Money.
• Don't forget to call your credit card company and tell them you are traveling between two countries... or you might end up like Jaz.... threatening the guy at Wells Fargo that your going to reach down his throat and rip his fucking lungs out if your card doesn't work tomorrow... oh wait. She did call, but they still fucked her. Have a back up plan.
• Cell phone coverage could not be counted on while traveling the roads, but we had internet service at all hotels/B and B's we stayed in.

We stayed at:
Red  Eagle Lodge @ Chistochina (on account of having to work the same day we left)
5th Avenue B and B in Dawson (Highly Recommended - They are cool)
Casey's B and B in Whitehorse ( Okay... but nothing to write home about)
The Historic Halsingland (It is historic.... but I like old buildings) Not right in town, but they have a nice place to eat and a bar right on the premises.
Kluane B and B (very rustic!) but gorgeous. If you want a view this is the place for you - right on the beach of Kluane. It is right next to an old ghost town, so you can take pictures. BE WARNED - it is remote... bring your own dinner/lunch. They serve a nice breakfast. Closest cup of espresso: 30 miles.
The Golden Bear in Tok (as always... they are very biker friendly and highly recommended)

DO NOT EAT or STAY in Glennallen, AK at the Caribou!!!
DO NOT EAT in Beaver Creek, YT. Canada at Buckaroo Betty's. The one thing this place has been over the last 15 years is consistently bad! It looks nice outside... but trust me!

Tar Pits, Bears, and Broken Down on the Alcan

The day started out pretty slow. We got a late start from the Kluane B and B (rustic) on account that the owner doesn’t serve breakfast until 8am. The weather was marginal this morning so we didn’t do the fly over the Kluane Glacier. The morning was a little nippy, and I had to stop and add an extra layer. The road conditions gradually declined until they became downright dicey, even frightening.

We passed a couple up from Colorado, they were both on BMWs – 1200s, which surprised me…. It’s rare to see a woman on a 1200. She was a little frightened about the road. It was dicey in Canada, but when you crossed the US border it got right into “Oh My God” moments several times.  There were large areas that came up quickly where the asphalt was pulverized… it was like someone had laid down a sandbox of loose gravel asphalt but never rolled or pressed it down. Because it was the same color as the rest of the road, you didn’t see it until you were right on top of it.  The day was tiring because you had to pay extra attention for these tar pits.

We also passed a series of “hover-ers.” Hoverers are outhouse along the road that you have to use… or the mosquitos bite your ass… but they are in such poor condition that you don’t want to actually sit on them.. so you hover.  Wow! Talk about some nasty potties… I opted to actual tangle with the bugs in one case. I gave it the “Nastiest Bathroom on this Trip” award. Just outside of Beaver Creek, Yukon Territory, Canada.

 Nasty bathroom of this trip..

We saw bears today. Although we have seen moose, squirrels, rabbits, marmots, and beavers, we have only seen lots of bear poop (I renamed the Haines Highway the Chillskat Road). I have been riding with my Go Pro (movie camera) on for about 4 hours a day… to play with film when I get back home.  I happened to catch them on the side of the road today. They were black bear, a mom and her cub. I passed by so fast, they will probably be specks.

Barbie is sporting a new “do” she also has been nailed a few times on her breasts and arms with bugs..  she seems to be enjoying the ride.

Barbie, after 1800 miles tied to my motorcycle!

I broke down on the side of the road somewhere in Canada.  We stopped at the Nastiest Bathroom, and we noted that the Canadians have covered many of their road and regulation signs with black garbage signs. We pondered when a sign no longer says anything important. It sort of falls into the same place of how much does the road have to be falling apart before you call it a gravel road versus… a paved road with bad spots? I mean when is bad.. bad enough? When does road sign not have meaning? At any rate, Jaz wanted a picture of the non-signs… so we stopped.  I shut my bike off… it wouldn’t start again. At first I thought I hit the kill switch, but no. Then I thought I blew a fuse, so I checked it, and it was fine, but when I seated the fuse back, I had power... so I thought it must have come loose (The road was bumpy and filled with tar pits remember). Then it wouldn't start again.. no power. So I figured it was the battery. It took me 1 minute to tighten the loose cable, but 29 minutes to unpack the saddle bags, take them off, take off both side guards, and the seat... to get to the cable, (and then put it all back together again... ). I got 3 sets of men stop and ask if I needed help, and most were surprised when I waved them on.  But my favorite was when two fellow dual sport riders with Northwestern Territory license plates stopped to see what the problem was and if they could help me with it. I explained that I figured it out and repaired it and was putting the bike back together again. He smiled and said… “Alaskan women are jewels”… waved off and headed down the road.  Grinning sheepishly… I’m a jewel.

Is that Water Safe to Drink?

So we are drinking tonight. We are watching the floaties in the drinks,… and talking about giardia. The “Rustic” B and B.. woman said we could safely drink the water… but still… will the vodka kill everything in the floaties? Will we be stopping the bikes every mile to hit the lou.. Alaskan style tomorrow? Beaver Fever in Beaver?

 That is a clear glass... can you see the lamp behind it?

We got cool pastries in the Village Bakery in Haines Junction.. must do! Cherry strudel.. giardia or not!

We pulled out of Haines this morning after having breakfast at the Bamboo Room.. a local heart attack on a plate kinda joint (they even had an AED – Automatic External Defibrillator on the wall). We wandered around subdivision streets for a bit before we recognized we were lost… yes I know.. in Haines… but nonetheless… it took us a bit to get righted. Once on the road the scenery changed to the Chilkat River. Thousands of eagles congregate on this river every fall/winter to feed of the dead fish (from spawning). Of course, this time of year is not the time to see that, but we happened on a couple of local Alaskan fisherman that were going for sockeye… they spent some time explaining to me that there was a Canadian bar code stamped on the Canadian fish swimming upstream… as opposed to the amerikan fish that were more natural. Listen in.. covert filming.

(By the way, in the time that it took me to type this much of my blog, the floaties have become sediment in my drink… much easier to handle).

B and B woman warned us of a bear in the area last night.  All day I thought about my motorcycle being trashed by a bear on the account that it could smell the protein bars buried deep in my panniers.  Should I take the protein bars into the “rustic” cabin made of flimsy screens and plywood? I think not! I will call a tow truck to recover the bite/slash job to my tires and cables… should that occur.  We are staying right on the beach of Kluane Lake in the middle of a ghost town… Silver City. Although the place is rustic (this meant we slept in the equivalent of Jaz’s plywood shed last night), and the water is questionable, the view was absolutely amazing! I would stay here again.

 Does this not look like a shed?

In the evening we wandered on the beach which is covered with an impressive field of dwarf fireweed before the sand, and then of course there is the teal colored water. I got stuck in the silty clay mud on the beach and nearly had to dig for my shoe (no laughing family members). We walked the entire beach and ghost town area and only came across one pile of bear scat.. as opposed to what Jaz was calling the “Shit Highway” on account of all the bear poop we saw from Haines to the summit. We explored the ruins of Silver City, many of which are on their final leg before they collapse. We didn’t dare go any of the structures but one.

 Me shooting the dwarf fireweed just outside my door on the banks of Kluane Lake.

The ride over the top on the Haines Highway was impressive, although not as impressive as the Klondike… if you can only do one.. do the Klondike. I tried filming the ride, but I forgot to turn the camera on. Keeping up with the Go Pro is more complicated than one would think.

 At the top of Haines Summit - Haines Highway

Here are the things that passed through my crooked mind as I enjoyed this spectacular scenery:

• My Ipod blew out on the trip. Equipment failure! Unrecoverable.
• I think it is a good thing to keep the little plastic deodorant protector in place for motor cycle trips… the vibration destroys deodorants.
• The last hotel (Hisingsomething or rather)had plenty of outlets in it’s rooms.. a first! I could charge everything and not feel guilty for steeling the plugs.
• It doesn’t take much to make us happy: sunny days, lots of outlets, good coffee, and safe water.
• I smashed my hand on the ferry… I hope I can drive.. it was my throttle hand. Worse case scenario – I will cut off two fingers on my gloves to accommodate a make shift splint. (Note* My two fingers are stiff and painful, but I can drive – no splint needed).
• While near Dawson, we stopped for gas. I opened my tank lid and had just finished filling the gas. The level was very high. I was putting the nozzle back and had not closed the tank lid yet, when a big fat fly flew into the open lid. It fell in a stunned stupor.. into the tank. I’m watching it struggle in the deadly fuel,. It dies. My Buddhist mind takes a back seat as I worried what impacts this will have on my motor. I decided that the impact would be great on my motor if I don’t get that fly out soon. I search for a stick (always a first option for women).. I find no suitable stick.. I decide to reach in with my fingers and grab the sucker… this is a big step for me… I grab the fly.. and then throw it out on  the sidewalk,, and don’t look back. My Buddhist tendencies to try to save the fly do not kick in.. my logical self tells me it is too late for the fly…  I move on.

I am sipping my drink down to the sediment line…

This morning we are contemplating a small flight over Kluane Glacier. Kluaine and Wrangell St. Ellias together make the largest park/natural area in the world.  If the weather holds we are going to do it.